i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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