Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
