He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
