You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
