Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
