if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
