He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
