i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
