So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
3pm strippers are depressing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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