There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
