Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
