At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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