in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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