So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
