is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
