normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
