guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
