you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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