Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
