At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
