I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
