He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
