Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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