at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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