I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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