New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
