You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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