So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
