He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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