I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
