It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what day is it and did you see me today?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
