just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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