moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
