Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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