my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
