1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
