A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
