I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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