I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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