Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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