apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
