Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
