He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dicks are not precious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
