More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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