I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
