scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
