i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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