I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
