so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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