His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
