i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
