I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
