I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
