my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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