Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something