it's too hot outside to masturbate.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.