And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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