what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
