it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
