Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize