Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
