She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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