You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
