She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
