I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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