We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
