we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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