Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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