you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
