Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I believe in your delicious
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
