She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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