Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
