why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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